Project 1-Analysis of StudentWriting and Lesson Plan

I.  Meaning of the Piece

I met with “Andy”, who is a sixth grader and attends Juanita Elementary, two weeks ago.  He provided me with a brief writing sample and after I had reviewed the sample, it became clear to me that what Andy was trying to convey was why Tacoma is a common subject in his writing—because he sometimes goes there.  This is the most meaningful strand or idea that he communicated in his writing sample (only one sample was obtained), and he provided little else in way of details.  From his sample, I surmise that Tacoma is a place of importance, although I am not sure why—perhaps because of several attractions that appeal to him: a water park (maybe Wildwaves) and a go-cart park.  He writes:

Some Places I Have Been…

alot of the places in mys stories is Tacoma Washington its a city with a lot of things to do park little city and lots of other fun thing such as gocarts and a water park and somtimes I go there a lot thats why Tacoma is in a lot of the things I write

II.  6 Traits Assessment

Using the sample as a medium for analysis, it is possible to analyze the student’s writing based on the  6+1 Trait Writing Scoring Continuum.   

Ideas and Content

At the heart of the analysis, it is evident that the author is still brainstorming ideas to write about as indicated by a lack of detail and inadequate length for development.  The idea described in the sample, specifically that Tacoma is a popular subject in his papers and that the city offers “fun things to do” is a simple idea in response to a question, but it is in need of expansion.  There is no attention to detail—no supporting evidence describing why an attraction is fun or appealing to the author, and for this reason, the writing and topic have not been defined in a meaningful way or in a way that is personally significant to the author.  As a reader, I find myself asking, “Why do you go to Tacoma?  Does someone live there?  How long do you go for?” and “What do you like doing at the water park and go-cart park?  Can you describe these places or memories of these places to me?  Can you provide details?” To convey, clarify, and expand his original response, Andy may need to revisit how to brainstorm ideas, focusing specifically on elaborating about the two fun activities he likes to do in Tacoma.  If he were to do this, I would be more convinced that Tacoma is important and not merely a place where he “[goes] there alot.” I would also be more apt to believe that if he (sometimes) goes to Tacoma, and if Tacoma is in a lot of his writing samples, then he should have a significant amount more to say about the city and what he does when he visits.

Organization

Andy’s writing sample does not provide a real lead to set-up what follows.  In other words, there is no evident introduction that transitions seamlessly into the body of the essay (where he would provide details and expand his main idea.  Instead, Andy answers a question (the prompt has not been included in his writing sample, but presumably it has to do with what he likes to write about) by stating which place he frequently writes about.  He mentions that there are a lot of things to do.  He provides two examples of attractions in the city (no details provided) and also states that he goes to Tacoma occasionally.  This all said, there is no real conclusion to wrap things up because the author has not yet had a chance to warm-up.  For this reason, the author’s writing lacks pace and feels awkward because just as the reader anticipates learning about the details of the water park and go-cart park, the author finishes what he had just begun writing.

Voice

The author’s writing is risk free, and reveals nothing about himself or his preferred style.  His writing is lifeless and mechanical and it does not appear that the writer makes any effort to add zest and detail to his writing.  We learn that it is common for him to write about Tacoma but because he makes general statements, saying something is “fun” and that there are “a lot of things to do,” it becomes barely visible what his deeper sentiments are about the place and it is difficult to deduce what “fun” and “a lot” truly mean.  In summary, the writer answers a question but in a matter-of-fact way that is to the point, matter-of-fact, and unimpressive.  Again, it must be noted that his writing sample is so narrow and limited that it barely qualifies as a narrative. 

Word Choice:

In this sample, the author showcases a very limited vocabulary by using unimaginative words that are either lifeless or they detract from the meaning of the work as a whole.  For example, the author uses the word “alot” or variations of this word (“lots”) in his writing sample five times.  A lot is not a very specific or quantitative amount which can leave the reader guessing as to the specific quantity being referenced.  Might he be able to use other words which convey the same meaning (qualitative descriptors), or, write the numerical value that “a lot” refers to (quantitative descriptor)?  A concrete example of an unimaginative or lifeless word that does nothing to enhance the meaning of the text is the use of the word “fun.”  The message the reader takes away is that an activity elicited pleasure, but what is in question is the degree of pleasure (minimal, average, extreme, etc.) that was experienced.  The reader wants to know, “How fun was it?” and “What made it fun” (although this addresses the development of ideas and supporting detail).

Sentence Fluency

After reading the text, one might be left with a feeling of confusion.  The sentences are very awkward because they represent an endless, connected, massive jumble of language.  For example, “Its a city with alot of things to do park little city and lots of other fun things such as….”  This sentence is awkward, especially when the writer mentions “park little city” because the three words do not make grammatical sense the way they have been written in the (run-on) sentence.  Was the author trying to say that a fun place to go in the city is a park and that the city is little?  Or was the author trying to say that the park was little?  Perhaps it would better serve the readers’ comprehension if the author would create two sentences—one indicating that there are a lot of things to do in the city, and a second sentence where he could communicate that there is a park and other fun attractions to see, visit, and do.  The author would also benefit from paying close attention to endless connectives.    Andy writes that there are “alot of things to do…and lots of other fun thing…and a water park and sometimes I go there a lot thats why….”  There is a lack of punctuation in his writing which contributes or compounds the issue of endless connectives.  The use of “and” is overabundant and this leads to the muck of run-on sentences.

Conventions

In his writing, there are numerous spelling errors; even common words are frequently misspelled.  Also, punctuation is often missing or incorrect, capitalization is random, errors in grammar are very noticeable, and paragraphing is missing.  Consequently, I would advise extensive editing (virtually every line) be required to polish the text for publication (noting that the development of ideas should occur before beginning to think about publishing the sample).  To support the criteria-based claimes, one need simply take a look at how the author misspells the words “a lot” by writing “alot.”  He misspells “a lot” four times.  “My” is spelled “mys” and when he writes the contraction “it is” he spells the word “its,” leaving out the apostrophe.  He also forgets to demonstrate a contraction when he spells “that is” as “thats,” again forgetting the use of an apostrophe.  Andy does not use a single comma or period in his writing sample—surprisingly, not even at the very end of his writing, let alone anywhere in the middle of the text.  His response is too short to include paragraphing.  As it stands, it may be the beginning to an introduction, but it is not a cohesive paragraph of its own.  An attentive reader or editor will feel compelled to make revisions to his writing because of a lack of capital letters at the beginning of sentences, periods at the end, commas to separate in/dependent clauses, and apostrophes to indicate contractions.  The text needs to be cleaned.

It should be noted that no other writing samples were provided by the student and that there may have been some amount of embarrassment regarding the development of his “color poem” because before I was able to read what he had generated, Andy had erased all but one stanza of his poem.  The student had selected the color black to write about, “black like the color of night.”

III. Ownership and Spelling

From the analysis, and based on what Andy shared with me about his interest in writing, I would venture to say, with some upward degree of confidence, that this student does not demonstrate or have ownership of writing.  On the first day that I met with Andy, I casually asked him if he liked to write.  I was surprised to learn that he “hates writing—writing of all kinds.”  I wonder where his dislike for writing stems from and if this has something to do with a disregard for basic conventions such as writing with capital letters at the beginning of sentences and using periods at the end of sentences.  It is difficult to discern whether or not his performance is reflective of a lack of interest in writing prompts, effort, or understanding about grammar, conventions, etc.  Ironically, the child is a good speller.  His performance on the administered spelling inventory was excellent and he misspelled only three words: shoping (shopping), celler (cellar), and opisition (opposition).  Common recurrences in his misspellings include difficulty with consonant doubling as in shoping (shopping) and opisition (opposition).    Andy’s spelling also reflected minor difficulty with suffixes as in celler (cellar).  What a bizarre occurrence that when asked to spell words more complex than the word “a lot,” they were spelled correctly; however, Antonio repeatedly misspelled “alot.”  

IV.  Lesson Plan

Name: Jocelyn Diefendorf                                                                                                                             Date:  January 26, 2011

Subject/Grade Level: Writing / 6th

Unit: Developing Ideas

Lesson Title:  Digging Up Stories

Rationale:  The rationale behind this particular lesson is to provide an additional opportunity for students who are struggling to develop ideas and content and who have not yet decided what the main idea of their writing piece will be—hence, they will be “digging-up” stories from a map of memorable places that they create.  “X” marks any spot on their map where they have special memories and stories to tell about a chosen/marked place.  The map is a catalyst or vehicle used to promote the practice of brainstorming ideas to write about.  The intention behind utilizing the map and marking it with Xs is to evoke emotional responses and refresh memories (which are inherently personal).  These memories are the basis for written responses that will be of personal importance (meaningful to the author), full off detail, and for that matter, of adequate length.

Objective(s)/Learning Target(s): 1.       Students will be able to select a memorable place to write about. 2.      Students will be able to brainstorm ideas to write about. 3.      Students will be able to synthesize a written response about a memorable place (based on “brainstorm-content.”)

Standards(s): 1.      EALR 1, Component 1.1: The student understands and uses a writing process.  Prewrites to generate ideas and plan writing 2.      EALR 3, Component 3.1: The student writes clearly and effectively.  Develops ideas and organizes writing.

Assessment of Learning: 1.      Teacher will assess students’ ability to select a memorable place to write about by listening for group participation and input from individuals about their ideas of memorable places to write about during the small group conference (generating ideas as a small group) and by listening for students to tell what place they will write about during the small group conference (shared instruction).  Teacher will also assess students’ ability to select a memorable place to write about by looking at their map, while looking for Xs to mark the spot where they will dig up stories. 2.      Teacher will assess students’ ability to brainstorm ideas to write about by looking at their Writer’s Journal, while looking for a list of notated of ideas that were included in the retelling of their story. 3.      Teacher will assess students’ ability to synthesize a written response about a memorable place (based on “brainstorm-content”) by listening for details that answer the questions “who, what, when, where, why, and how” in their shared read aloud of their rough draft during the small group meeting and by looking for revisions to their rough draft that directly answer/address the questions that their peers posed about the student’s writing.

Teacher Instruction (What does the teacher do?) Anticipatory Set: Teacher will begin by calling a small group to join her at the work table at the back of the room.  She has in her possession, several photographs that she wants to share with the students.  The photographs are pictures she has taken from her favorite fair—the Island County Fair on Whidbey Island.  Teacher asks the students what some of their reactions are to the pictures and if they have a good idea about where she may have taken the pictures.  Teacher asks the students to describe what they think is happening in each scene. Teacher explains to the students she is working with that the pictures are visual reminders of how much fun she has had at one of her favorite places.  Teacher shows something else to her students: a map she has drawn of the fairgrounds.  The teacher describes the layout of the map with the students and then takes the photographs and places them on the map according to their respective locations (a picture of a logging event is pinned to the logging location which is drawn on the map). Next, the teacher makes a simple comparison: “My map is like a treasure map.  On a treasure map, X marks the spot.  When a person digs at spot X, treasure can be found at the bottom of the hole.  Anywhere I place an X on my map I can be sure to find a good story.  X marks the place where I can dig up a good story.” Teacher asks her students if they would like to hear a story about a particular place on her map (maybe one with a photograph). Teacher shares a story about one of the places she has marked an X (for example, the logging location). Shared Instruction: Teacher asks the students to retell the same story/experience that she shared with them.  While they retell the story, the teacher writes the main ideas and a few interesting ideas that have been said. The teacher shares her notes with the students and asks them to help her write about the memory (using their suggestions about how to develop the paragraph(s).) The teacher asks the small group to brainstorm with her a list of “memorable places”—places that they like going, places where traditions happen, places that they visit regularly, places that they hope they can go back to, etc. Guided Instruction: The teacher asks the students to share with the group members the place they have chosen to map and write about—and to ask the group members for help if they feel like they cannot come up with a place to write about (group members can make suggestions). The teacher provides time for the students in the small group to draw their own “memorable places” map—places where they can dig up a lot of stories.  Teacher reminds students to place Xs any place a story can be dug-up.  Teacher asks the students to pair and share about a certain place on their map where they have found a story. Independent Instruction: When they are finished sharing their stories and memories, the teacher asks the students to write their own memories (bulleted or paraphrased information, like the teacher modeled) in their Writer’s Journal. Before they can continue to write a rough draft of their story, the teacher will check to make sure that the students have notated their memories (pre-write). Teacher will tell the students that when their pre-write has been looked at and when the teacher thinks that it contains enough detail (teacher and students can decide together what qualifies as being not enough and just the right amount of detail), then the students may begin to write a rough-draft of their story/memory—otherwise, the teacher will ask the student to think of another place that lends itself to a “bigger” memory where there is more to say about it. Teacher tells students that there may be an option to publish their story that they have dug-up.  Students can discuss with the teacher possibilities for ways to publish their story (PowerPoint, pictures embedded in a Word document, etc.) Teacher provides work time for drafting. Closure: Teacher will organize the small group of students to reconvene when they have finalized their rough drafts of their memories.  Teacher will ask students to share with each other the stories they have written.  Teacher will ask the listening students to ask the author questions after they have listened to the story. Teacher will instruct authors to amend their story to include answers in their rough draft.    (Lesson will be extended over a minimum of two to three days.  Editing and revising could factor into the expansion of the lesson.)